Silenced Forevermore
by TwiCanonFodder
Summary: Pretwilight. "He took my life from God's hands and tried to dictate who I would spend eternity with. He took my parents, my brothers, my chance of being a mother and growing old. He took my humanity. I can't forgive him, and I'm not sorry."


**Twilight Canon Fodder Challenge**

**Title: **Silenced Forevermore

**Contest Category (Rookie/Vet): **Vet

**Characters/Pairing: **Rosalie with implied Rosalie/Emmett

**Rating: **T

**Canon Type (Book/Movie): **Book

**Disclaimer: **Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not getting any money for this, nor do I intend to.

**Summary: **Pretwilight. "He took my life from God's hands and tried to dictate who I would spend eternity with. He took my parents, my brothers, my chance of being a mother and growing old. He took my humanity. I can't forgive him, and I'm not sorry."

**To see other entries in the Canon Fodder Challenge, please visit the C2 page: http:// dot fanfiction dot net/community/Canon_Fodder_Challenge/79719/**

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The light from the candle was flickering on the wall. Rosalie's eyes were transfixed on it, watching the way it slowly licked back and forth, bending and twisting in the silence. It was the only light to illuminate the nearly empty room, and its reflection on the wall seemed larger than it really was. The illusion both captivated and disconcerted her.

She had been sitting there all day watching that candle burn. It was almost to the bottom now. Soon, the flame would die out completely, and she would be alone in the room, with not even the presence of light to comfort her. She didn't need it to see anymore, not with her newly enhanced vision. Its absence would be just another reminder of the absence of her humanity.

Alone was something she was going to have to get used to anyway. It seemed she was destined to be alone now.

Try as she might, it was impossible for her to block out the rest of the noises in the house. She supposed she would have to get used to that, too. She could hear Carlisle and Esme debating a book while Edward played the piano. She just wanted some peace and quiet so she could be alone in her mind, but her new hearing abilities wouldn't allow that.

She stopped referring to him as Dr. Cullen the moment she found out what he had done to her. Anyone who would sentence an innocent girl to a life--if it could even be called that--of misery did not deserve respect in her book. _He_ was the one who began by disrespecting her when he didn't let her die in peace.

Instead, he took that choice from her, just like everything else had been taken.

x-x-x

She had been a vampire for two months now. The constant frenzy and obsession for blood had finally waned slightly. She could now stand to go a full twenty-four hours without hunting. During that time, she holed herself up in her room, away from the rest of them.

Hunting was something she dreaded. It meant she had to spend time with someone else, as they refused to let her hunt alone. She nearly threw a tantrum when this problem first arose. When explained the reasons, she had to admit she understood, although she couldn't imagine herself ever slipping up and truly _harming _a human.

But she understood how precious human life was, and she wasn't willing to risk it. That, and frankly, she needed the blood too badly to argue.

Therefore, someone always accompanied her on her near-daily hunting trips. She preferred Esme, if only because she was a woman. The three of them quickly learned to leave Rosalie alone during the trips, and for that she was almost grateful. Hunting was simply a necessary evil, and the faster it got done the better.

One of the most prominent emotions within her was confusion. Sure, she felt other things--anger, sorrow, grief, regret, and more--but it seemed she was always confused. This new existence was confusing; her own _thoughts_ were confusing. She didn't want to be lonely in this non-life, but any time Carlisle or Esme tried to interact with her, all she wanted was for them to leave her be. At least Edward didn't bother her.

But even when they did leave her alone, she wasn't _truly _alone. When they were in the farthest end of the house, or outside in the woods, she could still hear them, smell them, feel their presence. It was impossible for her to work through her thoughts in such a crowded atmosphere.

x-x-x

It took her some time to warm up to them.

When her loneliness began to overwhelm her, she gave in and started speaking more during hunting trips. It wasn't much--just the acknowledgment that she was in the presence of another person--but it made a difference. Esme jumped at the opportunity being presented. She came to Rosalie's room to speak with her now, but only stayed for short intervals of time, like she was afraid Rosalie would crawl back into her shell if pushed too far. Rosalie appreciated this. It gave her time to get used to things.

She still wasn't speaking with Carlisle and hardly saw Edward at all. This was strange, because he didn't have a wife or a mate set out for him. There was never a time in the past where a man didn't seek her out, oftentimes even if he did have a wife. She felt a bit offended, even though she knew she didn't want Edward that way. She assumed he must be arrogant and think himself better than everyone else. It was the only logical explanation for why he hadn't given any inclination that he wanted her.

Her conversations with Esme helped her get used to this existence more. Eventually, she better understood Carlisle's actions, though she by no means agreed or forgave him. Esme was impossibly sweet and maternal, which was partially why Rosalie was afraid to let her in at first. She didn't need a new mother. Even though her real mother was taken from her, she didn't want a replacement.

But as she warmed up to Esme, she saw her more as a friend--maybe even a sister someday. Her history was like Rosalie's, and in that similarity they formed a bond. Surely Carlisle couldn't be so bad, what with how highly Esme spoke of him and their relationship, and considering how she felt about men in general.

Just as she was beginning to become more comfortable with the idea of forming a civil relationship with Carlisle, her opinion rapidly shifted.

"You _what_?" Edward roared from the living room.

This actually startled her. Since becoming a vampire, her advanced senses prevented that from happening, but Edward was always so subdued, and there had been no warning for his outburst. She was surprised to find herself intently listening to see what came of this.

"Edward..." Carlisle's hushed voice was pleading and warning all in one.

"How _dare _you, Carlisle?"

"Please, Edward, let's step outside..."

"So you can hide it from her like you've been hiding it from me? From Esme? Rosalie deserves to know that she was merely an _instrument_ in your big plan, that the reason she was robbed of a proper death was because you thought she could be my _mate_." He spat the words; the power behind them caused her to recoil despite the fact that he was speaking to someone else in a different room.

The rest of the conversation was a blur to her, a buzzing sound she couldn't completely ignore while trying to sort through her thoughts.

"Rosalie, may I please come in?" It was Esme at the door. She wasn't sure she wanted company, as her thoughts were still a jumbled mess, but for some reason she felt compelled to allow her in.

"Yes."

She walked in and shut the door behind her softly, a useless yet comforting action. The buzzing sound was gone, leading Rosalie to believe both Carlisle and Edward had left the property.

"What Carlisle did was wrong. Incredibly wrong. You're justified in your anger towards him. But you have to know, Rosalie, you have to know that he's a good man. You know my story; you know what I had to come to terms with regarding him. I hope your judgment of my character will prove to you that I wouldn't love him as I do if he wasn't a genuinely good man."

She wanted to believe this, because Esme _was _a good person and she and Carlisle did have an deep, powerful relationship. It wasn't like Rosalie's parents' relationship at all, where her father controlled everything. Carlisle and Esme were nearly equal. It was fascinating and a bit strange to Rosalie, who had always been taught by her mother that she was to look beautiful for and obey her husband.

But this new knowledge that she was just presented with was making her second guess everything she thought she knew. Once again, her beauty had been used against her. From her talks with Esme about Carlisle, she knew he felt a draw to her, as if her death needed to be prevented--a waste, Esme said he called it. She could reasonably assume it was her beauty and status that he felt would be wasted. But to know that he planned out her whole eternity that night in his mind, based solely on her beauty and how she would look on the arm of his handsome son...

She wondered if God was punishing her.

She wondered if God even _existed. _

Despite her confusion, she was certain of one thing.

"Esme, I respect you, but I can't forgive what he did, just like I will never be able to forgive those other vile men for what they did. He took my life from God's hands and tried to dictate who I would spend eternity with. He took my parents, my brothers, my chance of being a mother and growing old. He took my humanity. I can't forgive him, and I'm not sorry."

x-x-x

After two years as a vampire, things began to stabilize for Rosalie. They weren't exactly getting better, but they weren't getting worse either.

She had many talks with Carlisle over the years. That first conversation with Esme had been the calm before the storm, unfortunately. She tore down seven trees that day.

She realized time didn't heal wounds in vampires the same way it did with humans. Instead of slowly forgetting why she was angry, or how she felt, she was forced to think of it over and over, forced to discuss it with Carlisle and Esme. Eventually, this caused her to slowly come to terms with it, at least to the point where she didn't despise Carlisle completely.

Still, she had some trouble getting along with Edward. As the topic got less sensitive, it became a running joke that Carlisle was a terrible matchmaker. At first, Rosalie just hated Edward because he existed, unfair as it was. If he didn't exist, she would be peaceful in heaven. But once she got to know him more, that hatred faded and was replaced by a few mutual interests, but mostly general annoyance.

Moving away from Rochester both helped and hindered. The others thought it would be good for Rosalie so she could move on and forget, but she knew she wasn't going to let that happen. She didn't _want_ to forget, crazy as it may sound. She needed that connection to her human life if she wanted to function at all. If she lost that, she wouldn't have anything left to retain her humanity.

Rosalie suspected the reason for the move was because Carlisle became suspicious of what she and Edward were doing. Since she woke up from the transformation, she had always known without a doubt that Royce King had to die. If there were anyone to truly blame for what her life had become, it was him and his pathetic followers. She still blamed Carlisle to a certain extent, but she prided herself in being a logical woman--she knew without Royce, none of this would have ever happened. She had never intended to let them get away with what they had done; it had just taken her some time to figure out exactly what _she _wanted to do. As luck would have it, Edward had experience in terminating pathetic excuses for human men, and he had been more than willing to assist her in what she needed to carry out her plan.

She was finally allowed to hunt on her own, something she cherished after the terrible hunting trips she was forced on when she was a newborn. Technically, she still was a newborn in vampire years, but she was old enough to control her bloodlust.

They had moved far from Rochester, down to the mountains in Appalachia. Esme was able to find a good house for them far enough away from civilization that the frequent sun wouldn't be a bother. It was a good place for a newborn due to the various hunting options. Carlisle had to work the graveyard shift for the most part, but he assured everyone that he didn't mind.

The days were fairly boring, and it seemed each one was the same as the last. But today, that would change.

Rosalie had travelled far for this hunting trip. She had nothing better to do, so there wasn't a reason not to. She was leisurely running through the woods, contemplating picking up some sort of hobby to occupy her time, when she heard an odd sound. She immediately began to slow, and raised her nose to air to check for scents when the wind blew, and she got a whiff of what was undeniably _human_.

This startled her, as she had been sure she was deep enough in the woods that she wouldn't happen across any hikers. Then she heard the sound of a bear growling. A grizzly, she was almost positive. She ran over to where the sounds and smells were coming from, looking on from behind a tree about fifty yards away from the scene.

The first thing she noticed was the back of the man. He was huge; she instinctively recoiled although she knew she could kill him with a single digit. The grizzly was standing up straight on its hind legs, and even despite that, the man was nearly as big as it was. She wondered why he wasn't running away--with the way they were circling each other it almost seemed as if he _wanted_ to fight.

They were turned to the side now, so she saw mostly the back of the bear and the front of the man. His dark curly hair was matted down on his forehead from sweat, she guessed. He had a smirk on his face and two perfect dimples in his cheeks.

He reminded her of Henry.

Rosalie had always felt a strange envy towards her human friend Vera and the life she had. She had told herself it was only because Vera had a child before she did, that once she and Royce were married and had children the envy would disappear.

Those dimples brought her back to her last night as a human, seeing Henry smile and feeling excited that one day, she would have a little boy or girl of her own to smile that way. Little did she know...

The wind blew again, but this time instead of just the scent of human and bear, blood accompanied it. Rosalie immediately cut off her breathing and dug her hands into the bark of the tree she was standing behind. She concentrated on the dimples of the man and the way the tree felt breaking beneath her hands. She could handle this. She had just hunted, and her control was good, better than many vampires'. She'd never slipped up before.

The bear took a swipe at him, sending him to the ground. She knew what would happen next. The bear would kill him, and those dimples and that hair would be gone.

She couldn't let that happen. If he died, he would take what was left of her humanity with him.

She ran out from her spot behind the tree and snapped the bear's neck before it had time to turn around and see its fate. The man was still on the ground, moaning in pain. His eyes were closed and parts of his body were bent in unnatural ways. The blood was flowing freely.

There was no way she could risk changing him herself. She knew the technicalities, but she'd never done it nor seen it done, and she couldn't risk the one chance she had while she was in this state of teetering between bloodlust and control. Knowing she had no other choice, she picked him up as carefully as possible and began to run back to the house.

The shock of human flesh against her skin was overwhelming. It was so hot and so soft. The irony of this giant seeming fragile in her arms wasn't lost on her. She knew she should try to comfort him, but she couldn't risk taking a breath.

Despite the extra two hundred and forty pounds in her arms, she'd never run faster.

x-x-x

When she got home, she brought the man to Carlisle right away and begged him to begin the transformation. He was reluctant at first because of his promise to himself and his family to never change anyone against their will again.

"Please, Carlisle. Give me this. Let me have some solace."

Fifteen minutes later, the change had begun. Carlisle was able to find out that his name was Emmett and he was twenty years old, unmarried with no children.

When he first screamed out in pain, calling for his family, Rosalie broke down.

Carlisle, Esme, and Edward had their hands full those three days, caring for both Emmett and Rosalie. Esme tried comforting Rosalie as best she could while Carlisle and Edward attempted to alleviate Emmett's pain. Neither were successful.

When the transformation was over, Carlisle explained to Emmett what he had become, while Rosalie sat in the corner of the room as she had been for the past three days. Emmett took it better than any of them had, making jokes and smiling. Carlisle took him hunting right away, and Rosalie sat there unmoving.

She had destroyed a life. She did exactly what she had faulted Carlisle for two years ago. Emmett could have died peacefully and gone to heaven and had a chance at an afterlife, but she robbed him of that like the monster she was.

But she deserved something good, didn't she? How could she not deserve a link to her humanity, maybe even a mate, after what she'd been through? She couldn't be faulted for _that_.

She heard Carlisle and Emmett return a few hours later, and she was still sitting in that corner. Emmett came into the room and kneeled down next to her. For the first time, she looked him directly in the eyes.

When she saw the hopeful look in his eyes, and the dimple in his left cheek from his half-smile, she began to sob. Huge, heavy sobs that racked her whole body so hard that the wall she was leaning against shook with the movement. He leaned forward to put his arms around her, and she instinctively cowered away, not wanting to be afraid but unable to help it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she kept repeating.

"Hey, don't be sorry. I probably should have known better than to fight with grizzlies. I could've taken that one, though; you just caught me on a bad day."

His humor was infectious; a laugh came out through her sobs.

He continued talking, trying to calm her down. "I just took out three of them out there. It's pretty fun now that I'm faster than them. And about a million times stronger. Don't cry, okay? You're too beautiful to cry."

This made her cry harder, because she could tell that unlike every other man that had ever called her beautiful, he wasn't trying to be shrewd or manipulative. Emmett was being completely genuine, and she somehow knew he would never be anything but.

"You're going to have to be patient with me," she whispered. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve this. I know I shouldn't have robbed you of a proper death, but I did, and I'm so sorry."

"Trust me, you saved me." He laughed and put his hand on the floor between them. This was his way of comforting her without touching her, and she couldn't be more grateful that he'd realized what she needed so quickly. "And I can be patient. We've got eternity."


End file.
